How to choose when you want to do everything?

Society may be structured around those who thrive on focusing on just one pursuit, but for you, the fun may be in doing everything, everywhere, all at once. And that’s totally okay – there’s no such thing as too many interests. But even then, you may find yourself short on time, energy, and money to do everything you want. So then, how do you choose?

Why some people want everything

Before we talk about choosing (while honoring who you are at your core), let’s discuss why sticking with one thing isn’t for everyone – and may not be right for you. And don’t let anyone tell you it’s a character defect or a lack of commitment. It’s not. It’s got everything to do with your brain wiring.

Generally speaking, there are two things about your brain that will make you crave combine multiple talents or interests.

One is having a more interconnected brain. This leads to better pattern recognition. And when you’re better at spotting patterns, it’s easier to see how a new topic relates to what you’re already interested in. Instead of an entirely new topic that’s unrelated to what you already love, it becomes an extension worth exploring. So if your brain is wired for connection, you may build a chain of interests (that have clear parallels in your mind but may or may not seem related to other people).

And then there’s the matter of dopamine regulation. Simply put, dopamine is the reward neurotransmitter/hormone. It makes us feel satisfied – like we’re accomplishing stuff. Our brain has its own ideas about accomplishment though. Like eating. And novelty. When something is very new, we learn a lot and get rewarded in the process. This is true for everyone, but if your dopamine is naturally dysregulated (which is true for ADHD folks), dopamine stops being a nice-to-have and becomes our main driver for doing something. Including that new, shiny thing you’ve never tried before.

This brings us to the final reason why some of us want to try every new thing we come across: new things tend to be more fun (this, by the way, is also true for relationships). We’re not yet familiar with the downsides. Social media play a part in this as others show off results, without showing the corresponding effort. Long story short: we imagine ourselves upcycling that cute cabinet, starting our days with delicious sourdough bread and playing rock songs. And as progress comes easy when you start from scratch, for a while, we truly give it our best. But even with the best intentions, it’s impossible to dedicate your time, money, and energy to twenty different things at once. Which is probably why you’re still reading.

Do you really have to choose?

If you’d asked me this question in my early twenties, as I was juggling two majors with a part-time job and my newfound passion for photography, I would have laughed in your face. Choosing? Now why would you just pick one thing? Just do it all! And I stand by it: if you don’t have to choose, if you feel you have plenty of time, energy, and money to do everything you want to do – do it.

That said, as you grow older, you discover more and more fun and interesting things (meanwhile, you may find yourself with more and more existing commitments). And since most of us don’t have access to a time-turner, choosing is no longer a choice.

So then… how do you choose?

First of all, let’s start with an uncomfortable truth: refusing to choose is a choice in itself. Even if you decide to just do whatever feels best in the moment, you’ll notice you have less resources for some things, more for others. The benefit of making a conscious decision is that you’re in charge of your priorities.

Just because you can…

Embarrassing admission: it was only fairly recent that I saw someone doing something cool and instead of thinking ‘I should try that!’ (like I’d done before with illustration, making teddy bears, sewing, balfolk dancing, sourdough bread, wall climbing, kombucha, and many other things) I had a radical new thought: ‘That’s really cool! Maybe I can admire others doing it without having to do it myself!’ Because here’s what it boils down to: there is an almost unlimited amount of cool things out there and it’s not humanly possible to do all of them anyway, so we’ll have to say ‘No’ to some of them. Ever since I’ve started asking myself ‘Is this really something I want to be a priority or is it just something to admire when others do it or maybe dabble in?’ it’s become easier to select what I really care about.

“That’s really cool! Maybe I can admire others doing it without having to do it myself!“

You’re not in it for life

This is one I come across especially often in career counselling: the idea that you need to pick something and then stick with it (which is a great way to make a decision unbearably heavy). Truth is – not only is it okay to change your mind down the road, the world is constantly changing and you can’t possibly predict what you’ll do in 20 years.

This also means you get to set priorities without feeling like you’re closing yourself off to possibilities. If right now, you want to solve equations and brew your own beer, which leaves you with little time to paint portraits and carve custom-made broomstick handles – that’s okay. And if that changes, you’ll be the first to know.

If you feel scared to postpone a new project, this might be worth exploring: why does it feel urgent? Is it something that would really contribute to your happiness or is it just your dopamine-starved brain tugging at you?

Commitment vs fun exploration

Not all passion projects are equal. That means you don’t have to go all-in on every new thing. But it also means you get to combine commitment and flow. A friend of mine is a passionate climber. Climbing is key to her schedule and she does it with great dedication. That said, she gives herself plenty of time off for less intense hobbies, like singing or playing board games.

Think of it as the 80-20 rule. You dedicate 80% of your resources (or however big a share you want) to things you want to commit to. The rest is open for negotiation and opportunity. The beauty of having this opportunity bucket is that it can contain a near unlimited amount of hobbies, as long as you remember they’re low-commitment and treat them accordingly. Some, you’ll do once or twice. Others, more often. You may also find projects move from one bucket to the other. This flexibility, too, may make it easier to decide to take it easy with new projects.

Focus on your priorities

Many, many things are fun. And if you’ve got a curious mind, you may see something interesting in pretty much any topic you come across. Getting clear on your priorities may help you make decisions that align with the kind of life you want for yourself. This is especially true as you have to choose between multiple things. The question then stops being ‘Do I want to do this?’, nor even ‘What do I want more?’, but ‘What works best with what I want for myself?’

The subtle difference is that there are a lot of things that may make you feel good, but not all of them contribute to the way you want to live. Know that feeling when you decide to get an extra piece of cake (it’s SO good) and afterwards feel like you’ve had too much? Exactly. That applies to more than just cake.

If you’re looking to get clear on your priorities, the key is looking at all parts of your life (as they’re likely all connected) – from the way you want to show up to your environment. (And if you’d like some prompts to get you started – that’s exactly what our Vision Cards are for!)

Create space for the unexpected

Last but not least, when there’s so much to do, it’s tempting to fill your days to the last minute, jumping from one thing to the other. But may I suggest you also leave some space to unwind and welcome the unexpected? Boredom is fertile ground for creativity. Being with yourself without distractions is a great way to tune in with yourself and get better at emotional regulation. ‘Nothing’ is a great item for your to-do list. And I promise, in that space, amazing things will happen.

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Not struggling with too many options, just don’t know where to begin? Read this!