Before we discuss what you need to deal with your anxiety, let’s first take a moment to zoom in on anxiety symptoms. Understanding what’s going on when you’re feeling anxious will help you choose the right method to deal with your anxiety.
In short, anxiety symptoms fall in one of two categories:
- Anxious thoughts
- Body symptoms
Anxious thoughts may sound like ‘I bet my partner is going to leave me’, ‘This presentation is going to be a disaster’ and ‘Nobody likes me, they’re all pretending’.
Physical anxiety symptoms include feeling tense, having a knot in your stomach, having a headache, and much more.
Both symptoms are your nervous system on red alert: “Don’t rest. Don’t chill out. It’s not safe. Danger, danger, danger.” But where do these symptoms come from and more importantly – how do you get rid of them?
Anxiety symptoms: imaginary problems causing real ones
Anxiety is a phantom fear. Now what does that mean? Fear is what you feel when you’re in the presence of something possibly dangerous. You see a bear (or a man?), your survival instincts scream ‘BEWARE’. Anxiety is similar, only there is no bear. You think of the possibility of meeting a bear and your survival instincts kick in before there’s a bear in sight.
The reason your survival instincts do this is – simply put – trauma. In the past, you were attacked and your nervous system, the self-appointed CEO of your brain and body, has learned from that mistake. Now, to help you survive, it keeps you hypervigilant for any signs that might point you towards another attack. You were bullied for standing out, and now you’re taking all possible steps to keep the spotlight away from you. One of your parents left, and now you’re constantly on the lookout for signs your partner might do the same.
So much like with phantom pain, where one might feel pain in a body part that’s no longer there, with anxiety you feel fear as a result of a situation that’s no longer there. And as a rational person, you know it’s a different situation, so odds are you’ve tried to reason with your nervous system. And odds are, that didn’t quite work out…
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Dealing with anxiety: what doesn’t help
Okay, so remember how we said your nervous system is a self-appointed CEO? As the self-appointed CEO, it likes being in charge, and here are some things it doesn’t respond well to:
- Telling it to calm down
(Ever tried to calm down a person by telling them to calm down? And how did that work out for you?) - Ignoring it
(Now here’s a great way of making it shout harder!) - Arguing with it
(This is a lot like being in a couple fight where one person brings up a problem and the other one denies its existence or even launches a counterattack)
That doesn’t mean you let it run the show. It just means you pick your battles.
4 effective ways to deal with your anxiety symptoms
Luckily, although ignoring, arguing and dismissing it won’t work, there are things you can do instead (and yes, these are the exact same things that work well with angry people). Here are 4 ways to manage your nervous system in a loving and effective way:
- Pay attention to what your nervous system is trying to communicate through the anxiety. Don’t instantly dismiss it as wrong. Really listen!
- Build authority (from a place of trust). Show your nervous system that it’s safe to calm down because you’re going to take care of it and of you. And that’s show, not tell. You do this by showing your nervous system you’re capable of managing threats and keeping yourself safe and taken care of.
- Our nervous system is a scaredy-cat. It usually acts out because it’s scared and its fear needs an outlet. See if you can make this outlet constructive, for instance through exercise, journaling or making art.
- (Co-)regulate. Hugging an angry toddler can work miracles and hugging yourself is no different. Regulation involves the activation of your parasympathetic nervous system (basically that’s the part of your nervous system that’s in charge of rest & recovery). Some great ways to do that are through cuddling / applying pressure / massage (with willing others, pets, or even yourself), breathing, meditation, and practicing mindfulness, or feeling connected with others, for instance through volunteering.
Dealing with anxiety is an ongoing process
Anxiety is complicated and if it’s really messing up your life – your sleep, your ability to eat, how you interact with others – therapy might be a great idea. Meanwhile, if you’re looking for immediate anxiety relief, definitely check out our Anxiety Emergency Kit. It builds on the ideas in this blog to help you make it through the hardest moments, build resilience and ultimately befriend your nervous system. Give it a shot!
