Why Do I feel Different From Everyone Else?

Have you ever felt like you’re talking a different language from everyone else? That you’re subtly different and no matter how hard you try to fit in – you always feel a bit like putting on a show? You may even end up wondering whether there’s something wrong with you. In this blog, I want to address specifically what’s going on, the big misconception about being different, and finally – what you can do. First, let’s talk about what’s going on.

Are you driven by something different?

When we think we’re different than others, it’s because deep down inside we know we enjoy and prioritize other things. Maybe you don’t get the thrill of clubbing and prefer a quiet night out. Maybe the Monday morning chitchat at the coffee machine makes you want to go straight back to bed. Or maybe you’re quick to speak up and share your opinion, even if it makes others dislike you. Or… the other way around.

And a lot of people naturally enjoy doing things the way others – their family and friends, their co-workers or classmates – do them. They’re not faking – they genuinely embrace the ‘way things are done’. They intuitively say the ‘right’ things (and shut their mouth in the right moments), dress the ‘right’ way, spend their time ‘right’. They don’t feel different, because they mimic what’s going on around them so naturally that they kind of become part of the stream. The main-stream.

And then there’s us. You, probably, if you’re reading this. We’re wired differently[1]. Yep, it’s a brain thing. We’re not motivated by the same things. Instead, we follow wherever our mind takes us. It’s not that we don’t care about being liked – we do. That’s why we often end up trying to follow that main-stream. But that’s the difference, right there. We’re not part of the stream, we’re just following along.

Meanwhile, your brain is tugging at you, reminding you that you are motivated by different things. That you enjoy different things.

At this point, two things can happen.

1. You listen to your brain. You start following your passions. You note you’re no longer part of what’s deemed ‘normal’. And if you’re lucky, you find your people – those who happen to be driven by the same things you are. (That’s basically how subcultures emerge)
2. Or… you keep ignoring your brain. You don’t want to be shunned or rejected by others. So you keep acting as if you’re part of the stream, too. You’re not showing your true self, you’re masking, and this takes up a lot of your energy. That’s why so many of us end up with a burn-out in our late 20s-early 30s.

Being who you are is scary, it might feel lonely, and you may not even know who you are in the first place. So let’s dive a bit deeper into that, alright?

Are you just a weirdo?

Before we move on, I’d like to debunk one common myth about feeling the odd one out. And it’s this: when you feel this way, it may seem like you are the only one.

You are not.

I can’t even count the amount of times I’d eventually either do a really poor job masking (despite the efforts) or gather the courage to be honest about something I think or like, only to have others walk up to me: “Thank you for speaking up, I have this too, but I was afraid to be open about it”.

You are not the only one masking. You may feel like you’re the only one, but I can promise you that there are so many others just like you who are just as scared – or more scared – to be themselves and who question whether there is something wrong with them.

As soon as you start living life the way it truly works for you, you don’t only free up a massive amount of energy (that’s otherwise used on hiding the real you), you also start attracting all those people who are just like you. The real you paves a path for them to be real, too.

Being you – step by step

As I’m writing this blog, I’m 36, and being the real me is still hard work. Like I said, just because you’re wired differently, doesn’t mean you don’t want to be liked, and I’m no different. But being yourself is also so rewarding. So freeing. Happy, even joyful.

But of course, the hardest part is finding out who you are in the first place. You may have put on a mask for so long that you forgot the face underneath. What does the real you even look like?

That’s why for me – the biggest tools to being my true self is defining my vision and reflecting on what works and what doesn’t. And if you forgot who you are – reflecting may even be the first step.

When you’re reflecting, you basically ask yourself: what are things I actually like about my life? What leaves me happier after I’m doing it? And what are the things I wish I didn’t have to do? Which things take cost me more energy than they give me?

This is an ongoing process, of course. I still do this every month (I use this Monthly Reflection Template) and every month I discover both new things, and old patterns. For instance, I’ll notice how a hobby that used to make me happy starts feeling like a chore. Or how I need half a day to recover from a friend I hang out with.

And then, I use all of these reflections to draw my own vision board – a visual of the kind of life that works for me (I’ve compiled the prompts I use for vision boarding in these Vision Cards, also available as a Digital Edition).

And I use this vision board to make decisions about my life.

Rinse, repeat.

And with every new vision board, with every new reflection, I’m getting a little closer to being me. Most importantly, I no longer ask why I’m different from everyone else. Instead, I focus on just being me.

[1] We’re often referred to as neurodivergent, many of us are diagnosed with autism and/or ADHD, and many of us are considered gifted, too.