Should my dating profile mention I’m polyamorous?

Online dating can be tricky, and if you’re looking for people who are comfortable with polyamory – more so. So is it a good idea to mention you’re polyamorous in your dating profile, or is this something better saved for later? In this article, we’ll explore several perspectives: the odds of getting a date, ethics, and privacy.

Will mentioning polyamory on your dating profile hurt your odds of getting a date?

Many people worry that being upfront about their relationship status and polyamory approach will hurt their odds of finding a date. This may be an even bigger issue if you’re already struggling to get matches. What if mentioning polyamory limits your dating pool even further? Ethics aside, this is an understandable worry. But although leaving polyamory off your profile might sound like a good idea, it won’t help you in the long run, and here’s why.

In a lot of ways, dating is like trying to sell a product. You’re the product, and your dating profile is the ad. When people see your ad, some will swipe right – they’re interested! It’s a bit like adding a product to your cart.

Now, imagine you’re looking for a shirt, and it absolutely has to be blue. You find a gorgeous one online and you couldn’t be happier, but once you add it to your cart, the website suddenly tells you the shirt is actually pink. Will you still buy it? Of course not! It’s not what you’re looking for. In fact, you’ll probably get frustrated with the seller for wasting your time.

Dating is the same. It’s true that on most dating apps, the majority of people won’t be interested in dating a polyamorous person. So, yes, saying you’re polyamorous will limit the amount of matches you’ll be getting. But these are matches that wouldn’t have turned into a date anyway. In fact – the longer you wait with disclosing, the more frustrated your ‘customer’ will be once you finally come clean.

In short – being open about polyamory on your profile won’t hurt your chances of getting a date, and will save you and your matches time and disappointment.

Is it ethical to leave polyamory off your online dating profile?

There may be a good reason for leaving polyamory off your profile, which we’ll explore later in this blog. The most important question to ask when you’re trying to determine the right thing to do is this: “Are you hiding any information out of fear that this information would change the other person’s behavior?”

‘Ethical’ or ‘consensual’ polyamory is all about so-called informed consent. The consent part is easy enough – someone is saying they’re okay with something. But don’t forget about the ‘informed’ part. Informed consent means that the consenting party has all the information they may need to make a decision. We’re not used car salesmen (or, if you are, hopefully you’re the honest kind) – ethical polyamory means we respect others’ autonomy to make their own choices, and we don’t withhold any information that would impact what they choose. This goes for any partners you may already have, but also any potential new attachments.

In short – if you’re hiding the fact you’re polyamorous to mislead… well, this sentence speaks for itself.

Online dating & privacy

Here’s another reason to leave polyamory off your dating profile:

“I don’t want others to know I’m polyamorous. What if my coworkers/family members/neighbors find out?”

This is a valid worry, especially if you live in a part of the world where polyamory is frowned upon (which, frankly, is still most of the world).

Of course, if you’re already in a relationship, being discovered on a dating website by people who do not know you’re polyamorous may raise even more eyebrows. Are you going through a break-up? Cheating on your partner? What’s going on there?

If you’re single, or if most people don’t know your partner(s) anyway, it’s a different story. Yes, it might make sense for you to hide the fact you’re polyamorous. But only on your profile – once you have a match and you’re chatting, informed consent still means you’d have to be honest about the relationship style you’re looking for.

Honest(l)y, here’s what we’d do…

You now have a better grasp of the implications of saying you’re polyamorous on your dating profile. Our suggestion? If you’re not too concerned about others knowing you’re polyamorous, just own it. It will save yourself and your matches precious time. Time that’s better spent on crafting a dating profile that’s fun to read, so that your matches will want to date you for the person you truly are.