10 Polyamory Discussion Topics For Happy Relationships

Interested in opening up your relationship or practicing polyamory? You’re not alone. Research shows that more and more people are interested in ethically exploring multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships. A recent Dutch research concluded that 1 in 8 (!) young adults would be open to polyamory and even as many as 1 in 4 would consider some type of an open relationship. That’s a lot!

But polyamory isn’t just unlimited cuddling and shared joy. We did a quick poll asking polyamorous folks about the things they would have loved to know before engaging in a polyamorous relationship, and here are some answers we got:

• Dealing with conflicting wishes and expectations
• Coming out about your lifestyle/relationships to others
• Managing your available time
• Knowing and sharing your own needs
• Dealing with jealousy
• Contact with metamours (your partner’s other partners).

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

Most of these challenges are no issue at all in monogamy. That’s why when we just start out with polyamorous dynamics, we often don’t consider them upfront. Some even think: “We’ll deal with whatever comes our way when we get there!” And that might work! But for many others, by the time the conversation becomes a necessity too many emotions are involved.

That’s why it’s so important to discuss your needs and boundaries upfront and make agreements that work for you, your partner(s) (and ideally, the rest of your polycule).

Polyamory discussion topics for conversations that matter

There are dozens of polyamory topics worth exploring. Some depend on your dynamic or level of involvement, others are relevant to pretty much every relationship. Want to get started with great conversations? Here are 10 polyamory discussion topics worth bringing up before you engage in a polyamorous relationship:

1. How much time do you and your partners have available for your relationships?
2. Are there any things that are off limits for any of your (or your partners’) relationships?
3. How will you and your partner(s) deal with conflicting needs from your (or their) partners?
4. What will you do if you or one of your partners gets jealous, how will you deal with the jealousy?
5. How open are you about your relationships to the outside world and is that important to you?
6. What practical or even legal arrangements are possible in your relationships? Such as living together, getting married, sharing finances, etc.?
7. What agreements do you want about safe sex, both for yourself and your partners?
8. How much information do you share about your other relationship(s)?
9. Do you want to your partners to know each other? Do you want to know your partners’ other partners?
10. If you’re living with a partner: are your other partners welcome in your shared space?

Ready to go deeper?

If 10 polyamory discussion topics are not enough for you (and we’d totally get that!) we’ve created a card deck with almost 50 questions to help you navigate your polyamorous relationships. Topics include emotional security, communication, intimacy, and dealing with challenges.